It’s Thanksgiving. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how youre still single? About how your parents really want more grand children? Well, look no further!

I am a 28 year old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar. I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if i shave. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request:

openly hit on other female guests while you act like you dont notice.

start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion.

propose to you in front of everyone.

pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, i dont drink, but i used to. alot. too much in fact. i know the drill).

Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see.

I require no pay but the free meal i will receive as a guest!

Coming to a theater near you.

The Craigslist ad was made as a joke, but it has proved Schmidt with a real response and he has found a woman eager to take him home to meet the family.

‘I got a real response the next day offering me to come to this girl’s Thanksgiving get-together with her roommate and friends, and then go over to her parent’s house, eat food, shoot guns, have a good time,’ he told HuffPost Live on Tuesday.

‘So I took her up on it and we still have the plans set.’

‘She offered to drive and everything,’ added Scmidt, who has ‘don’t hire’ tattooed across his knuckles.

He has promised to live tweet about his Thanksgiving experience at @nickyistaken.