An Open Letter To Van Halen: No More Table Scraps Please

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This topic has 26 voices, contains 56 replies, and was last updated by  JasonA 2088 days ago.

January 28, 2012 at 1:16 pm Quote #2876

ron
(8928)

An Open Letter To Van Halen: No More Table Scraps Please
by Cletus P. Stillwater, Jr. January – 28 – 2012

I think it may be time for Van Halen to take a step back before they take a step forward. Van Halen’s recent trip to the recording studio album seems like a rushed attempt to get something out before this latest tour. It is like Eddie scraped together every leftover riff he had and squeezed it into a disk. While the disk is not out yet the tracks making their way around the internet are disappointing to say the least.

At least one of the songs on the new disk is a leftover from the band’s 1976 demo. She’s The Woman sounds like a distant relative of Van Halen II’s Bottom’s Up. Don’t get me wrong Bottom’s Up is an awesome song, there actually isnt a bad song on Van Halen II. But there is a reason why She’s The Woman never made it onto Van Halen I or II. It is just not a very strong song. There is nothing to the lyrics and the music is as I said rehashed riffis.

The single from the album Tattoo is even more troubling. The song is wall-to-wall leftover Van Halen trappings. It opens with the same dive bombs and bass fills we have heard on a half dozen Van Halen intros. Cue the Oberheim OB-Xa synth from Jump and David Lee Roth rants via Hot For Teacher or Panama. Making this song even worse is Eddie Van Halen sleep walks through the guitar solo. A couple of dive bombs, run a few arpeggios and then finger tap for the fanboys. Adding insult to injury Eddie ends the song with the volume swells from Your No Good. It is like he raped Van Halen II to make this disk.

Eddie Van Halen is the greatest rock guitarist of his generation and for some reason he refuses to innovate anymore. Where is the guy that did the sick slide guitar work on Dirty Movies during the Fair Warning era. His counterpart in Chickfoot Joe Satriani experiments with everything from banjos to old 12 strings with rusty string to get new textures. That is the big reason why Chickenfoot sounds better than anything Eddie has done in years.

The video for the song is also a bit troubling. I dont know who is doing the band’s hair these days but that person needs to be fired. Alex has so much product in his hair he looks like he is in a wind tunnel. David Lee Roth looks like Donald Trump and Eddie is starting to look a bit like the Geico caveman.

So Van Halen it is time to go back to the drawing board and maybe take a cue from Chickenfoot.


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January 28, 2012 at 1:34 pm Quote #2877

mrmojohalen
(5434)

Check out this guy’s Facebook page:

http://www.facebook.com/people/Cletus-P-Stillwater-Jr/100000651340271 8-O


When you turn on your stereo, does it return the favor?


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January 28, 2012 at 1:39 pm Quote #2878

guitard
(7354)

That guy almost had me fooled…and then whatdya know…it becomes a Chickenfoot comparison.

Cletus – it’s a shame Sam and Mike are no longer part of Van Halen. But please – just get over it already. OK?


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January 28, 2012 at 2:21 pm Quote #2879

Mink
(2610)

I actually agree with him on most parts. The Chickenfoot comparisons are inevitable. That’s going to happen either way. I’m hoping for a strong tour, but Dave’s dance moves and fucking overalls are troubling to say the least. Goddammit, I’m trying. I want to like it, but so far, not so much. I’ll wait until Feb 7th to pass further judgement. Sorry to sound so negative, I don’t mean to be. Just disappointed.



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January 28, 2012 at 2:46 pm Quote #2880

frankm
(4737)

guitard: That guy almost had me fooled…and then whatdya know…it becomes a Chickenfoot comparison.Cletus – it’s a shame Sam and Mike are no longer part of Van Halen. But please – just get over it already. OK?

With or without the Chickenfoot comparison it is a valid argument. But I will wait to pass judgment until I have the disc.


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January 28, 2012 at 3:01 pm Quote #2881

King Edward
(1772)

Mink: Dave’s dance moves and fucking overalls are troubling to say the least. BR>

You make a fantastic point here…..I could not figure out in my head how to say it….but thats it. I want a solid tour without it turning into the DLR show with an appearance by Van Halen.

Now with that being said I have really liked what I have heard musically to this point….and remain positive.


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January 28, 2012 at 3:02 pm Quote #2882

steecoe
(1953)

Fuck this guy. An open letter to Cletus P Isshead: Go fuck yourself, better yet go fuck the last chickenfoot CD. Every Van Halen CD ever put out has been filled with “table scraps” but your pussystink fairweather VH fan ass didn’t have the fucking internet & REAL van halen fans to fill you in at the time :roll:
“It opens with the same dive bombs and bass fills we have heard on a half dozen Van Halen intros” Excuse me? Woflie’s bass work in the handful of clips we have heard so far blows Mikey’s entire career out of the water HANDS DOWN! I am sorry but the Joe Satriani that’s in Chickenass isn’t even anywhere near as good as the Joe Satriani that I knew & loved on Flying In a Blue Dream & Surfing With the Alien, let alone Eddie Van halen on his worst night of the 2004 tour……
Fuck that guy & his stupid maxIPAD that he prolly wrote that yellow journalistic preconcieved hatred of VH opinion blog on!!
Van Halen is back & they fucking rock :!: He can suck the shit out of my ass till his eyes turn brown. fuck him.


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January 28, 2012 at 3:05 pm Quote #2883

King Edward
(1772)

Stop holding back Steecoe and tell us all how you really feel!!!! 8)


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January 28, 2012 at 3:08 pm Quote #2884

steecoe
(1953)

King Edward: You make a fantastic point here…..I could not figure out in my head how to say it….but thats it. I want a solid tour without it turning into the DLR show with an appearance by Van Halen.

Now with that being said I have really liked what I have heard musically to this point….and remain positive.

I have never been a Dave fan, I have ALWAYS been a VH fan. As goofy as Dave can be, somehow it is all OK with me as long as he has the Van Halens right there with him. Dave left unchecked is like a parody of the rock star he became in VH. Dave needs the balance & power of Van Halen in order for him not to seem like such an ass clown. In fact it seems to transform the monkey time Dave into David Lee Roth the rockstar :mrgreen:


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January 28, 2012 at 3:12 pm Quote #2887

vhrob
(1539)

I got one thing to say……. shut up Cletus or whatever you damn name is….

I will take the scraps and take em with a smile. They are new songs and who cares how long the riffs have been sitting around. People like this guy forget that we have always wanted Ed to put these songs to life for the last 20 to 30 years. Who cares if the riffs have been sitting around. What is the difference. If we never heard the unreleased stuff no one would even know anyways.

some people just bitch just to bitch. I cant wait for this album and I am happy to see some of the older leftover riffs put to life. This is what we have been waiting for. Edwards older stuff is what we all like anyways. So great… lets be happy Eddie is back in touch with his older music writing riffs and is bringing them to life.

my 2 cents,
Rob


vhtrading member since 2000


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January 28, 2012 at 3:14 pm Quote #2888

steecoe
(1953)

King Edward:
Stop holding back Steecoe and tell us all how you really feel!!!!8)

Sorry! I just woke up, I’ll elborate next time :twisted:


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January 28, 2012 at 3:15 pm Quote #2889

steecoe
(1953)

vhrob:
I got one thing to say……. shut up Cletus or whatever you damn name is….

I will take the scraps and take em with a smile.They are new songs and who cares how long the riffs have been sitting around.People like this guy forget that we have always wanted Ed to put these songs to life for the last 20 to 30 years.Who cares if the riffs have been sitting around.What is the difference.If we never heard the unreleased stuff no one would even know anyways.

some people just bitch just to bitch.I cant wait for this album and I am happy to see some of the older leftover riffs put to life.This is what we have been waiting for.Edwards older stuff is what we all like anyways.So great… lets be happy Eddie is back in touch with his older music writing riffs and is bringing them to life.

my 2 cents,
Rob

Well said!!!!!


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January 28, 2012 at 3:57 pm Quote #2895

mrmojohalen
(5434)

Mink:
but Dave’s dance moves and fucking overalls are troubling to say the least.

What does this have to do with the music? It’s just Dave being goofy & having some fun in a video.

This is not to be taken seriously, unlike the guy in the chicken outfit in the video by the NEW ZEPPELIN band.
:mrgreen:


When you turn on your stereo, does it return the favor?


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January 28, 2012 at 4:09 pm Quote #2896

mrmojohalen
(5434)

ron:
An Open Letter To Van Halen: No More Table Scraps Please
by Cletus P. Stillwater, Jr. January – 28 – 2012
The video for the song is also a bit troubling.

PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket


When you turn on your stereo, does it return the favor?


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January 28, 2012 at 4:34 pm Quote #2897

ffoner
(1047)

Just thought exactly what Steecoe posted above. Fuck. This. Guy.


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